I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
