Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
