I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
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