I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Randomize
