AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Randomize
