this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
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