on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
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