It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Randomize
