I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
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