I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
I know her cup size but not her name....
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