I just threw up on my dentist
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
I just gift wrapped bread.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Randomize
