Hey man sorry I got all grabby
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Randomize
