I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
