Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
you inspire me to be a worse person
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
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