she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
