dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
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