they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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