He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
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