I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
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