i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
are you so shy because you have an std?
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
