He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
meet me or not, i'm out of control
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
Less talking, more tequila
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
