It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
