new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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