She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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