she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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