He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
you didnt know i had herpes?
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
Randomize
