Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
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