If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
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