Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
Randomize
