I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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