shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
