Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
Randomize
