Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
Randomize
