I'm drive I can fine osifer
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
Randomize
