3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
