im about as happy as oj after his trial
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize