just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
Randomize
