We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
is that a dick in a sweater?
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
