Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Randomize
