Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
Randomize
