TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Randomize
