bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
