Swine flu. Run for my life!
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
