Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Randomize
