I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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