I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
