I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
I need water and some morals
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
