I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Randomize
