someone get that fucking seahorse.
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
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