This dress was meant to end up on your floor
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Randomize
