so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Randomize
