He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Randomize
