Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
