I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
