Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
