I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
