hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
So gin and wine won't be happening again
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
