God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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