Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
My balls are so social today.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
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