I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
