I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize
