would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Randomize
