dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
Randomize
