There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
Randomize
