I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Randomize
