You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
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