the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
Randomize
