GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
