omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize