You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
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