He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
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