I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Randomize
