I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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