More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
I can't turn off my feet"
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Randomize
