How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
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