Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
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