Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
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