There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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