I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
