non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
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