I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Randomize
