he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
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