i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Randomize