I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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