my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
