wrigley field is MILF paradise
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
