That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
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