So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
