Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Randomize
