We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
