Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
