This dress was meant to end up on your floor
Just mADE A PArabola og urine
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
