i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
