Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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