ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Randomize
