but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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