I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Randomize