Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
You peed on a flamingo?!?
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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