you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
