I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
