i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
Randomize
