Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
